Today I Feel Strange

Today I feel strange, not happy or sad but reflective. I am thankful for being a strong woman. Thankful that I am compassionate. It is what makes me different and special.

I miss hearing my dad’s voice telling me I am ok and am doing a great job. I miss having Carl to take over when things get difficult or just to break things down for me.

I am very tired of not feeling appreciated by people I have paid money to for services. Tired of people not returning phone calls or saying I am over reacting.

I know I am in control. It is that simple, I have control over who gets to be in my life and who doesn’t. So I need to decide when enough is enough.

I know it is ok to cry and feel alone; alone in the sense that no one is here to vent to, but then I don’t want anyone here, because then I have to entertain their worries.

I know it’s ok to have these days, when I feel heavy and blah.

I need to listen to my soul, which means stopping and listening to myself. Its May 1st , 2015. I am entering into a time when I am clearer about things and about my vision for myself. Instead of 30 days of Christmas maybe I will make this 30 days of my birthday. I will be 47.

Birthing into a new year of me. The first birthday without my mom, dad and husband. So in a sense it is like being born again.

I need to create a new mission statement for myself. One that embodies everything I have gone through these last 2 years.

Strength, courage, compassion, love.