February 11, 2018
I thought I had processed my losses. I mean it has been over 3 years ~ surely by now I have resolved my grief...right?
Then I went to get Certified in Grief Recovery and I learned I had not really finished completing what had been brewing for almost 3 and a-half years. Yes, brewing.
I walked into a room with 8 other people, all attending to become Certified in Grief Recovery. These 8 humans would be my support group for the next 40 hours. At the end of the first day I had been cracked like a nut.
I had never thought about Loss in the way it was described to me, but then as I started reflecting loss was more than losing someone I love, it was so many more things. And little did I know I was walking around with holes through myself. I had only covered myself up.
Loss, I learned was losing a job, a friend, kids going off to college, changes in my marriage, divorce, a financial loss or gain, loss was every change I felt and I had not properly addressed.
I started to realize that I had a lot of recovery work to do. Because when I wrote my life timeline out, I realized how many changes I had experienced.
After the first day of the Certification class I got home and knew what was going to happen, I was going to finally learn how to work through my loss with Carl and my dad. The second day was heavier and sure enough I physically felt what I had yet to work through.
By the 3rd day, I felt like I had been run over but I also felt a little Free. I had said everything I needed to and my relationships are now different. As the 9 of us who were there together looked around, we knew a true transformation had occurred.
I have met and been coached by many wonderful people, but this was the first time I felt understood and complete. I also feel like I have this new-found laser vision of seeing people and seeing the hurt and pain they are carrying.
On our 4th and last day of our Certification, we realized we can't help others until we ourselves have completed our relationships. That lightbulb clicks on and we realized while we were all in different timeline of our losses, we all had done the work.
I am excited that 2018 started off this way. It is true you should never stop learning and healing.