If you know me, then you know that for years I have been saying, “How could I ever date again after having the most fulfilling marriage of 26 years?”  I didn’t get divorced; my husband died of Cancer.

So, one night after a couple of drinks of liquid courage, I signed up for a dating service to see if I could find someone to “fill the gap in my heart,” and here is what I learned after the 1^st and only date:

When I thought I was in the final year of my dad's life, I did not realize I was in the final year of my marriage.

I have been quiet for a while now. It's been hard to put into words how the last ten years have somehow crept up on me and my feelings. There is much to unpack, so this is just a fair warning.

No one ever said to me I would be doing life alone at the age of 46. When I met my husband at age 20, I thought we would spend a very long time together even though he was 20 years older than me.  I am thankful we did have 26 years of friendship and marriage together. I must admit that sometimes, because of my lack of desire to do something, I remind myself how much I did in those 26 years.

It has been a minute since I last blogged about LOLA and my life. A lot has happened. At the end of 2022, I entered a new business partnership with a Compliance Firm. It made so much sense to me because they had a team that could help LOLA grow. Together with two amazing leaders, we set off on a course to see how to scale up LOLA.

I had experienced a volatile neighbor who had moved into my childhood neighborhood and started harassing my family and me. It started subtly with requests to move our lights because they shed some light at night on his totally dark property.

Everyone wants it, and seldom do we ever really appreciate it when it happens. This year was a wonderful year for me and LOLA.

Personally, I made the painfully emotional decision to move away from a childhood home that had sheltered me after all of my life losses.

I was eating brunch this past weekend, and who should walk in but one of the WORST brokers I ever worked with, and for~ I immediately felt sick.

Until that moment at Sunday brunch, I had tried entirely to forget about this old broker/boss. But WHOA, the flashbacks and memories of working for a very unpleasant person came over me like a wave. As soon as I saw him, I could not push past the memories of a time I had tried to suppress.

This week, the final domino fell for us, having lost our beloved black lab Oliver. I called him Braveheart because he was just that for me. He lived almost 15 years and was picked out and brought home by Carl. I recall Adyn calling me at work and saying, “Dad brought home a puppy,” and me responding with “wrong number” and hung up. (sigh)

Some of my best childhood memories are those spent with my Godparents. I recall so many weekends being at my godparent's home watching our parents play scrabble until 2 am.

To breathe in and out sounds simple, but over these last few years, I have learned that we sometimes take advantage of our breath. We don’t give it enough attention.

If 2021 taught me anything, it was to learn to love myself and the world.

This moment.

Maybe it has taken me 7 years to get to this moment, to realize that what I am doing is for this very moment – this snapshot in time.

If we learned anything in 2020, it is the fact that the importance and value of human touch are so vital to our physical and mental well-being.

Be the One who can make a difference…a call, a text, and an unexpected moment of gratitude towards a stranger.

For me, 2020 brought out the best and worst of all of us. We quickly figured out who was in our corner and who we needed to be wary of…. But there is THE one person who is one of my FAVORITE people in the whole wide world who helped me make it through 2020.

Life Transition. I sat staring into the eyes of a beautiful woman, who had lost her husband unexpectantly this year. She and her adult daughters were devastated, and I could see myself in her. I spoke in the kindest voice I could offer her and heard myself say ~

Don’t give up now. For LOLA, I have to admit I have witnessed and listened to families grieve like NEVER before. While some people may take this post as a political message, I say to you this ~ Death is not political.

Glass half full or half empty… As we entered into July, I knew I needed to evaluate the year, how far have I come and how far do I have to go to reach my 2020 goals?

On my first Mother’s Day with Carl, I remember him telling me ~ “Am I supposed to do something for you? You are not my mom.” (Can you picture me? Or my face?)

Meltdowns were happening before we all had to go home. We would call each other and tell each other how much work we had and how busy we were and how tired we were...