Goodbye 57

It was a tough year- the toughest in a long time.

Last year was a crazy transitional year. I cut off my hair – like Joan Jett style- to see what it would look like coming in grey (not to mention I had people around me that said, “do it! Its hair, it will grow back!” From friends telling me after 2 drinks- “What did you do to your hair?” to friends saying, “If you like it, who cares?” And the gut punch of my grandson asking me, “How long will this last?” Kids are so honest.

So much confusion. I had to listen to my heart and find my inner peace. (Yes, I have colored it a new, softer color, and it is growing out.)

I also faced the incredibly difficult transition from living in my son’s home, which had been a haven for me, to living on my own. Ugh, apartment living –

listening to the kids upstairs having sex and partying, and realizing I was THAT old person complaining. Noise machines, complaining to management, and calling security – and nothing really changed. The cute girl with hot pink hair would bounce down the stairs, and I would think, “It’s so nice not to have a worry in the world.” (But I would also ask myself, what does your future look like?) Believe it or not, in this scenario, she had more rights to her noise than I had to my peace. A true learning curve for me.

But I moved into a townhome where I have my own Peace again.

I moved LOLA through the transition of working with a wonderful hospice and palliative care company, to end a beautiful contract, and move back into benefits, where I thrive, was a huge transition this Spring. Many people thought, “Oh, she is leaving LOLA,” only for them to be in the dark about my true mission- Bringing my daughter back home from Vermont, finishing up her Law Degree to help me move LOLA forward and into the future. Vision is very important. (And why is it that men can have like 5 different jobs and side hustles, but a woman can’t have as many passions?) I Love to Work~ and like my dad, I will not let the grass grow under my feet- I will continue to move, grow, and lead. (And I landed in a really fantastic place – more to come on that note.)

I tried to Date - let’s say it was a good social experiment, and it made me realize that loving myself is more important than trying to find someone new after 11 years. I tried to diet and lose weight, only to realize I must be comfortable in my own skin. (As Julia Roberts says in Eat Pray Love – “Buy bigger pants!”)

They say in the Grief Recovery Method that there are several losses, and I probably suffered through one of the hardest with a friendship. There is nothing worse than realizing there are seasons for friendships – even at age 57. (It’s ok to let go, let God.)

So much change during my 57th year–

And now here we are: 58 – 2 quarters, 1 nickel, and 3 pennies (which are being phased out), but I still get credit for them! I am entering my 58th year on earth. Wow, what I have seen and been through. The world is a different place now.

It’s been a hard year; whether it was a change in my family, my business, my work, or friendships, it has been the hardest year since losing my dad and husband.

This morning, I sat across the breakfast table at a local taco shop with my best friend who was struggling with the decision whether to take a trip to Greece or wait; when I leaned over and told him that he needed to just Go~ “You are healthy, you have the money and the time, who knows what a year will bring you – aging parents, the economy, declining health- Just Go”  Don’t be like my mom who on her death bed was still angry with my dad about not taking her to boot camp with him…seriously…after 45 years of marriage that is what she fixated on at the end of her life. Have No regrets~ Take the trip, buy the new car, do what makes your heart happy.

Then I thought to myself – Esther – You have this, life is pretty darn good – Just do You~ Move into year 58 with Grace, Confidence and Intentions.

For all the Taurus out there- Let’s do this! Learn from the lessons, love your relationships, and look into the future – grab those sunglasses – 58 looks pretty Bright!

~ Esther